do you have a first aid kit handy?

2009-06-09T14:46:00.002+08:00

new station. new environment. new people. new happiness to be found. new problems to be had.

am trying to deal with it the best i can. when they're people around, the distractions prove to be a good companion. yet when i am singular, dwelling on the past seems to be the natural thing to do.

i miss the calm before the storm. why couldn't they wait 2 or 3 more months?

got to stay away from the blue for a while. this break shall serve as a good time to get away from it all.

jogging, soccer, gym, friends. got no time for skirt-chasing. they're more trouble than i can handle. haha!

2009-05-08T16:46:00.001+08:00

man i'm tired. burntout too.

need a break, maybe a short escape to somewhere, anywhere.

2009-04-22T22:27:00.002+08:00

'Ambivalence is a state of having simultaneous, conflicting feelings toward a person or thing. Stated another way, ambivalence is the experience of having thoughts and emotions of both positive and negative valence toward someone or something.'

fuck. what, do you expect me to just take it when a big decision such as this comes my way. you don't ask for our opinions, you disregard our feedback, you treat us as a statistic. damn, it really is true when they say that middle or upper management doesn't take the feelings of the "people-on-the-ground" into account.

i'm not happy. i'm sorry, i can't pretend. i'm too tired. only when i'm at work will i muster up some feeble attempt at nonchalance.

i just can't fucking accept it, alright.

i'm sorry. i've just become too attached.

2009-04-19T01:39:00.002+08:00

ORD training over. immensely happy.

Played a soccer match today at clementi woods sec. Rematch against the same team last week. Gained a draw. Awesome performance from all my team-mates. insanely happy.

Injured my right knee during that match. Didn't blame anybody. Typical soccer injury. Got clipped while clearing the ball. I dropped like a rock after being hit. Felt like a taser to the knee.
not happy. not happy at all.

Someone cure my knee. Please!

2009-04-16T02:15:00.001+08:00

fuck la. i can't get to sleep.

got ORD training tml at 0745 and yet i'm still awake.

fuck.

2009-04-14T18:20:00.002+08:00

went to JB in the morning today.

first to Angsana, for Dunkin Donuts. Found some very nice shorts and jeans. Ah well next time.

then to Singgah Selalu for lunch. Yum!

might be meeting the guys for Soccer later at night.

i guess that's how my life revolves now. If im not working, its usually these few things; gym, soccer, outings with friends. I'm pretty satisfied with how it's going. I don't really have free time to think about unnecessary things. The equation's all fixed and balanced (:

well, maybe it could fit one more thing? ..hmmm....no

still pretty bummed about not being able to go to KL. Hit the gut harder than i thought

2009-04-10T13:05:00.001+08:00

Good Friday!

off le. today, lunch at marche and a movie.

tomorrow. soccer match at bendemeer sec with the guys. ho-hum, hope my knees are healed by then.

cheers! (:

2009-04-07T00:08:00.002+08:00

Once you’ve been tagged you have to write a note with 16 random things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you.

1. i hate wearing specs. i would do anything to get my perfect vision back.

2. i consider myself extremely patient, but if i lose my temper, you'd better watch out.

3. it's hard for me to open up to people, but once i do, it means that you matter. a lot.

4. never boarded a plane before. i don't want to die a travel virgin.

5. in my perfect world, when i retire, i'd like to have a big ice cream truck and go around neighbourhoods selling cones (:

6. i've been single since the day i was born. never been attached, hugged, or kissed by a female outside of my family.

7. once considered being a chef or a fighter pilot as being the perfect job.

8. favorite movie of all time; Top Gun. 2nd favorite movie of all time; That Thing You Do.

9. favorite team in the BPL; Newcastle United. favorite team in the world; Spain!

10 would like to kiss a girl in france, share a pizza in italy and feed her chocolates in switzerland.

11. i can't drink milk without adding ice in first.

12. i wish my hair was less messier.

13. am still searching for the perfect pair of jeans.

14. before i die, i want to see the aurora borealis.

15. blue has got to be my color.

16. 2 children. a boy first, then a girl. haha.

2009-03-29T22:23:00.003+08:00

had a collapse case recently. my first since october? haha.

went better this time. didn't panic. everyone was cool and calm and collected, which struck me as a little weird. cos of you know, naturally you should be like a headless chicken about death and all that.

me, kak and my jr all did their jobs great, though i guess i could have improved just slightly more. i should have passed her the LMA faster and i could have inserted the airway guerdal before proceeding to CPR. ah well.

after that, when we conveyed the body to NUH, i was supposed to collect the BVM from the dead patient, and when i went to do that, his eyes were staring at me. very glassy, lifeless.

you know those movies where they show the main character suddenly tio stunned when he sees the dead body. it's fake.

managed to say bye to him as a sign of respect.

you can get used to seeing almost anything if you learn to separate work and life.

final note, i'm not going to KL anymore. was severely dissapointed than i let on. kak says that it's probably a blessing in disguise. very good disguise.

2009-03-21T11:32:00.002+08:00

everything else could go wrong.

everything else i could withstand.

everything else could fail.

but, as they say, when it rains, it pours.

fine.

2009-03-07T11:21:00.003+08:00

i think i gotta get me a new pair of soccer boots.

my old ones have served me well and faithfully for the past 2-3 years? my birthday boots i call them. i love them.

i can still wear those boots, but recently they've been getting just a wee bit tighter, and i don't want to see those golden pair of boots splitting at the seams.

which by now i have come to my current quandary; adidas or nike?

i love adidas. it's my most favorite brand of all. i love their boots. their long lasting capability and those 3 stripes are oh so addictive. BUT, their current line seems insanely ugly.

the only exception being the adipure line. it's plain black with white stripes, or vice versa. traditional looking, just like how adi dassler would have done it.

nike. their current lines want me to switch allegiances.

Their T90 Laser 2 series. the black with the red lines one. Sweet.

The Mercurial series. Makes me flush with excitement.

damn, i'm waxing lyrical over shoes

2009-02-26T22:29:00.002+08:00

trip to paya lebar: 1hr

trip to HQ: 20min

walk to HQ: 15min

testing of p100: 5 min

what a clusterfcuk! 1hr 35min + waiting time for the late people, just to do something that requires at most 5minutes. what the fcuk! one more off day gone.

in addition, got caught in the rain. my polo tee, my jeans got sopping wet and i smelt like a wet dog. sticky, sweaty and insanely not in the best of moods.

only consolation was that i got to see some friends i haven't seen for a long time. also got myself a nice pair of berms at a good price. i so do love bargains!

i only need to find;

$6 loafers @ chinatown.

$40-60 short sleeved military themed buttoned shirt.

a girl that looks either like; lily allen, katy perry or yvonne strahovski

2009-02-22T20:07:00.002+08:00

was thinking, everytime i finish a solid hard day of work, what form of escapism do i have? after all that patient carrying, injury-tending, people-consoling, putting-on-that-stoic-face moments, what can i really do to forget that sort of environment for just a while.

drive around? nah, no license and no car.

eat? there are only so many times you can stuff yourself silly.

running and gymming? a slight distraction. worthwhile, but still doesn't hit the sweet spot.

soccer? if only it was an everyday occurence.

the answer? travelling. of course i would love to go to the colliseum in rome, or ride a gondola in venice, ski in the alps, pray in the blue mosque in istanbul; but i can't. not right now anyway.

i guess i just have to make do with locking myself in my room and drowning myself in music (:

2009-02-21T12:39:00.001+08:00

i am so fcuking sleepy, and i have to drag myself to the fcuking gym. cb!

nvm, i'm going to run faster and longer than you..

2009-02-17T22:22:00.001+08:00

".. kau berpaling dan pergi,
membuat ku sangsi,
bunga mawar bersusur duri.

..kau berpaling dan pergi,
mencari nurani,
ku berpaut bayang sendiri.."

2009-02-16T22:45:00.002+08:00

played soccer at lianhua on valentine's day.

let's just say we were humbled.

but nevermind, i had a hell lot of fun!

had a very busy day today. insanely busy. last case was an eye-opener. honestly. one of the cases which i don't think i will forget very soon. haha

tomorrow, will be going to teach/lecture some workers on basic first aid and CPR. and i haven't got the slides all editted yet. i'm so fcuking sleepy.

i wanna do a good job tomorrow. if i do a good job, it means that my paramedic has taught me well (:

yet, i am effing sleepy.

and oh yeah, the NUH girl that i had my eye on, well, she's 24 and is already attached. bummer on the latter, but i don't really care about the former. oh well!

2009-02-08T12:26:00.003+08:00

finally succumbed to my illness yesterday at work. was supposed to work today but kak told me to go home and rest well, so i used my last off-in-lieu to recuperate at work

was totally not myself, even she noticed it. was kinda quiet, slow and not really in the mood.

my whole family caught the bug, and i guessed now's my turn? hah. everybody's got to fall sick sometime.

just gotta rest!

2009-02-02T21:56:00.002+08:00

arghz! why can't my bloody leg heal faster? i can't stand not being able to walk properly, let alone run, gym, train, play football etc. those are welcome distractions that i've been needing!

6 feb is the first training session, and i'll be playing a defender. yeahaha! I hate being a keeper for field matches. street soccer can, futsal also can, field... nooo.

oh yeah, have fun at ldn babe! (:

2009-02-01T13:42:00.002+08:00

soccer was a blast. loads of people came down. loads of old faces which i haven't seen in a while.

this year i just want to keep my schedule as packed as possible la. soccer, running, gym, marathons, cycling, medic mates, soccer mates. anything that can allow me to get out and do something. keeps me from thinking about unnecessary stuff (matters of the heart shh shh!). LOL.

my leg's been healing, but at a slower pace than that which i would have liked. hopefully, it'll be good enough by 6 feb. soccer training! i'll be playing a defender with the Central peeps. Yay!

2009-01-28T21:01:00.004+08:00

Chinese New Year was a balance of good and bad, yin and yang, black and white. get the picture?

the negative sides first;

1. i cant take an extended overseas leave. which is fcuked up. plain and simple. pissed? yeah i am

2. my leg still hurts like crazy. i cant emphasize just how bloody effing painful it can feel. sleeping at night is a hassle, cos i cant keep my legs in one position for long, as it will start to hurt. imagine a scalpel, stick it deep inside your sinewy muscle area, and twist it. that's how it feels. so don't fuck with me these next few weeks.

3. i still can't continue my "sundown training programme"

4. i can't run and can't walk so good. it's like im house without the cane.

5. i noticed that points 2,3 and 4 are almost the same.

now, for the positives;

1. had churros from alegro's. have to say they were pretty good. however, i kinda thought they would be larger. ah well

2. had dinner with lela aka "kak" at botak jones clementi. you see, i was always telling her to go eat at botak jones cos the food was so good, gave her directions and all and she still got lost. so we decided to just eat there before working at night (: had an awesome time talking about other people and seeing how this one guy eat like a pig. lol!

3. had an even awesome time working with kak this past 2 shifts. she understood that i couldnt really walk well and helped me carry some stuff and helped me report in the matra when i was busy at the back of the alfa (ambulance). we had some very nice chats and shared stuff. it's like having family at work. like an older sibling i never had but wished i did. was feeling kinda guilty that she had to work abit more and share my responsibility, but she didn't blame me. thanks sis!

2009-01-24T15:45:00.002+08:00

it's been so long since i blogged.

wanna know why?

cos i am so damned lazy to blog. lol. and even if i wasn't so lazy, i would be preoccupied by something else. gym, outings, work etc

update!

registered for the adidas sundown marathon. 42.195km. i have about, 4mths plus to train. in conjuction with this event, i am saving money to buy myself a new pair of asics shoes and a nice bike!

however, this hamstring pull of mine has not yet healed fully. i am so having a bitch fit! it is fcuking spoiling my routine.

am enjoying work as the thought of ORD looms over me day by day. next duty me and lela will be having a CNY potluck dinner cos we're working night duty on the 26th and 27th. holland village chicken wings, churros from alegros' and maybe some botak jones?

Happy CNY to those near and dear friends of mine who are celebrating the occasion (:

soccer @ the cage on the 29th. am looking forward to that too. one time where i can meet all my friends and we're not in uniform and not talking about work.

and, recently, there's this chick at NUH that's been catching my eye recently. i've always been sneaking peeks at her since i started working but only recently did it start to get abit, more? LOL. she's a customer registry officer there so its kinda 50-50 that i see her

2008-11-06T16:30:00.000+08:00

thanks to dylan sue and salleh for spending a little time just to wish me on my day. i appreciate it alot. the fact that you all remembered really made me happy.

thanks to siti, angela, my little idiot ass of a brother, my dear sister angela, my dad who's abroad, my cousin for the msges in the morning. i'm not a morning person by nature, but i didn't mind waking up early today.

thanks to the paramedics and medics of Rota 2 and 3 from the 1st Division for singing me the song today. Even though the PM chat was held in the morning and it was raining heavily, i never felt cold.

thanks to afiq for treating me to lunch today. thanks mate. you didn't have to, but you did. thanks mate.

thanks to my friends at JI fire station for the early birthday celebration. I loved sharing the cake with you all.

but to the most important woman, my mum, i seriously would like to thank her for today. she cooked my favourite dish for me, bought me a cake, and ordered KFC for me. thanks mum. i really appreciate it.

i always say that i hate birthdays, especially my own. and i don't lie, most of the times as my birthdays always have bad memories stuck to them. i'd rather prefer making other people happy on their birthdays. but today, i only turn 21 once, so i'd hope that i'd be a little different than the others.

i don't ask for much. just my close friends knowing that i'm turning abit more mature today would be enough for me. i don't want to wish for any material things as they'll dissapear faster than memories.

thanks to katy perry, for being born. my god! her and her green eyes, and incredibly awesome legs. i think they were sculpted in heaven!

happy birthday to me.

2008-10-30T13:11:00.003+08:00

soccer with buddies at the Cage yesterday was a killer. 3 hours! my legs felt like jelly, then lead, then i couldn't feel them anymore. it was awesome, though i let in too many goals than i would have liked!

i'm glad my schedule is packed for the time being.

working tonight and tomorrow

friday before work will be spent visiting my grandparents

saturday will be spent going to my MOC buddy's weeding reception. i'm so happy for him. he's found the one for him

sunday will be spent playing soccer at salleh's house

i like it when my days are packed. it just prevents me from thinking about, unnecessary things

''when i find repose in toil, my solace in wretchedness and anxiety. farewell"

2008-10-28T22:14:00.002+08:00

i was going through my hotmail account, just deleting all the messages that were just taking up space, when i saw some very old mail.

the most oldest email i have is dated 24th march 2003. they were pictures from a NPCC camp that i went to. if i can remember, it was the last camp i went before we 'ord-ed'

http://good-times.webshots.com/photo/1066884365041237894OTqOEK?vhost=good-times

mail about practical datasheets that me and my group had to rush cos we always left it to the last minute. jbshalonette! haha

serene and geraldine sending me our FYP project and presentation. god i miss the both of them

xt sending me mail about formal reports that i could 'cut and paste'. that was the norm la huh. lol
msn chat logs from friends when we were secretly discussing problems or crushes etc

the very first email sent from the girl that i fell in love with in the first year of poly. gosh i didn't know i still had it

but, the best treasure i found in my mail were these 2 videos that made me laugh out loud and profess my love for my classmates once again

HAHA!

2008-10-21T20:20:00.002+08:00

you know, the thing about helping people all the time is that, at a point of time, you'd just wish that people would help you back.

you know, catch me when i fall?

it's tiring la, dealing with people who don't appreciate what the hell you're doing. risking your neck out time and time again. imagine, when you're trying to help someone out, he can threaten to kill you and hit you and swear at you. fuck, i am not fucking paid enough to deal with this crap.

thank god for the ridiculous amount of patience he gave me. amin.

how about a nice, "good job!'', "thank you" once in a while huh?

A.P.P.R.E.C.I.A.T.I.O.N. Thats the word of the day people.

i need a nice long hug *sigh*

2008-10-11T02:45:00.000+08:00

Someone said that my blog starts and then stops, starts and then stops, so here i am blogging again. Haha

Behold! The Holy Twirl!

I really don't want to eat it, because it's so priceless. The Holy Twirl! He he he he. The one Twirl to rule them all. If you wish to know why i'm making such a big fuss over this seemingly insignificant bar of chocolate, ask me. Haha

Going to Lot 1 later to shop for awhile and buy some Pie Kias back. They're actually quite good. I personally like the 'Ham and Cheese' and 'Lemon Fish'

Am i willing to take the step forward, and feel how it is to be in the front seat, or shall i just keep wondering from the back?

2008-10-10T05:41:00.000+08:00

finally! i am on my god given off and well deserved leave.

HARI RAYA! this year's hari raya seems way lot better than those before. Pics will be up once i get them. Had a lot of fun. However, i must improve my Winning Eleven skills again. Argh.

Went to the usual places, saw the usual faces. Also went to one of my paramedic's house, where me and my friend got stalked by a crazy guy! Jijah it's all your fault. Haha.

Over the weekend will be going to one of my SAMO's house. Will be taking alot more pictures there.

Hopefully over the 3rd week, my house will be open for friends and work colleagues (: hafta see how it goes.

Did i already say that im on leave. While my rota paramedic is going back to her kampung to visit her relatives and also making a pit stop at thailand to holiday, here i am at home just nua-ing.

Today there's La Femme Desperado. Highly recommended by XT. LOL

I like this pic. The first time i ever wore that jersey. Haha.

Next post: THE HOLY TWIRL!

2008-09-23T07:07:00.000+08:00

im incredibly happy that my rota comprises of foodies. everytime we work we talk about food; the best places to go for eats and stuff. and im very happy and proud that i have a foodie paramedic (:

1. Straits Kitchen at the Grand Hyatt.

2. Carousel at the Royal Plaza On Scotts.

3. Badoque at Simpang Bedok.

4. Unknown North Indian Restaurant at Turf City.

5. Unknown Malay Restaurant near St Luke's Hospital at Bukit Batok.

6. Mackenzie Rex at 66 Prinsep St.

7. Furama at Chinatown.

the ones which are listed unknown are as so as we either don't know the exact name of the eating establishment or we don't really know where exactly the place is.

tml, going to break fast with my medic friends. at where you might ask? at no.6. HAHA. i psycho-ed them to go there cos lela psycho-ed me to go there too. she says thats it very nice and the price range is rather reasonable.

heres the URL;

http://www.macrex.com.sg/index.htm

from the pics, it looks intensely sugoi!

and i can't believe i missed that place. i usually walk around that area if i wanna go to bugis from plaza sing or the cathay, and im pretty damn sure i would have passed by that place once or twice.

nvm. tml will be the day!

going to meet xt later to break fast with her. going to wear my newcastle jersey for the first time too! LOL. Xt, be honored man!

2008-09-23T00:22:00.000+08:00

just got back from work.

rather tired.

but still.

ever heard of the phrase, ignorance is bliss? it really is at some points of time.

gossip is a way to whittle the time away. however when it is gossip about someone close to you or someone you hold in very high esteem, you'd just wished that you didn't gossip in the first place.

it's not nice to hear about someone's past, especially when it's so fraught with 'wide-eye' moments, and also as we can't confirm whether its true or not. for me, i'd take it with a pinch of salt unless that person itself tells me it's true.

i don't care. my opinion of that person still hasn't changed. if it did, it would be even more positive (: you like a person for what they are and not for what they were. right?

haha

so many people i want to go out with. so little time and cash!

2008-09-19T04:00:00.000+08:00

Going to go to gym with Iskandar and Zad later, @ Hometeam NS Gombak. Yes i know that we're fasting, but that gives me greater impetus to work out, so that at the end of the month i can fit into my M size baju kurung nicely. Haha!

And besides, i'd rather be jogging and doing something than staying at home and collecting dust.

And and, if i were to eat just a teeny weeny bit more, i don't have to feel guilty. Hah!

And the itch to wear my new Newcastle jersey is getting harder to resist. Not yet not yet! i still got about half a month to go before i fit into that nicely.

'Ooh there's somethin about
Kinda woman that can do for herself
I look at her and it makes me proud
It's somethin about her
Somethin oh so sexy about
Kinda woman that don't even need my help
She said she got it she got it
No doubt, it's somethin about her
Cuz she work like a boss play like a boss
Car and a crib she bouta pay em both off
And the bills are paid on time yeah
She made for a boss only a boss
Anything less she tellin them to get lost
That's the girl that's on my mind'

2008-09-18T12:26:00.000+08:00

Yes. It's been quite some time that i blogged.

So heres' a list of things that i found important that happened while i was having my hiatus.

26th August
Had my CME practical at CDA. It was basically a refresher course on the new Cardiac Arrest Protocol and the 12-Lead placement. Went with my paramedic and medic friends. I treasure these times as these are the only times when i can see my friends. When we're at work the chances of us seeing each other is so damned rare it's demoralising.

1st September
First day of fasting at work. I was working day duty on that day, with Lela and my SAMO. Junior was on leave so there was just the 3 of us. Had a movie marathon on that day to whittle the time away in between calls.

I picked "What Happens In Vegas"

Lela picked "Bujang Lapok"

Between me and her, we had a lot of laughs on that day and also alot of encouragement for one another, just to make the day pass easier. My job is not easy, so every stupid grin, every lame comment is a welcome distraction. The name Lela keeps popping up in my recent entries, but i have never really showed how she looks like.

This is a picture that i took from one of my mates that was working at Central Fire Station, which my current paramedic (Lela) was working at the time the picture was taken. She's the one in the middle, the one with the cap on. This was taken in early Jan 08, just before she transferred to my station, Jurong Island Fire Station. Trust me, she looks alot better in real life. Not that she doesn't look good in the picture though. LOL. She's an awesome person, ok?

Seeing this picture makes me miss this station, as i was attached to Central a while back, and made alot of friends there.

Sooo, after our duty, me n her went for our late dinner/supper to break fast together, as we had to respond to a call during breaking fast time. As i said again, our job is not easy. I cannot emphasize that enough. Had a really good time just chatting and joking and getting to know one another more. It's nice to know that you have a friend at work, and not just a colleague.

16th September
I got me my Newcastle Jersey! HAHA. Ok, im a weird person. While other guys are all caught up in the Big 4; Man U, Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool, im in love with this club. I don't know why. All i remember is loving the club in 1997. Alan Shearer was the man!

2008-08-07T12:58:00.000+08:00

god, im a very happy guy today.

i really really am.

haha!

i saw so many familiar faces at CME.

nearly all my medic brother-in-arms.

also, faces of paramedics i knew and worked with.

i am a really happy and contented medic.

today, took my breath away and left me reeling. LOL

holy fcuking shit is what i have to say (:

2008-07-17T14:55:00.000+08:00

this is one of the few pictures that i like; where i actually look good in uniform. and no, i didn't accidentally look the other way. i wanted to be more stylo-milo. be different ma.

also, im not exactly from Central. im from Jurong Island. but i did my attachment stint at Central and ended falling in love with the station. so i guess you could call me a half and a half. Jurong Central? haha. my birth and foster stations.

was very low this recent monday and tuesday. intensely. LOL. for the most weirdest of reasons to which i shall not say, though those that are close to me in the working world should know why.

but even in the low-ness and emo-ness, something did made me smile;

now my senior medic is shaliz

hee!

2008-07-08T15:25:00.000+08:00

hi, my name is sha.

im just a medic. not really a paramedic. cause you see, a paramedic undergoes 4 ardous levels of training over a length of 2 years.

a medic, such as me, only goes through one level of training. technically speaking, i can be called a level-1 paramedic. however, i much prefer to be called a medic.

so angie, just call me a medic okie? (: i don't deserve to be called a paramedic. i highly respect those that are wearing that blue and white badge, and im not one of those wearing blue and white.

anyway, currently, i'm not really in the best of moods. even still, through all the bullshit that's happening recently at work, im worried about 3 women.

my mum.
angela.
.

i just hope that things will turn out the best for the 3 of them.

now is the part to worry about myself.

im sure that i might not do everything right. but im intensely confident that i didn't get everything wrong.

i will admit if i did something wrong. i don't want to jeopardize anyone else. i don't want to play "cover my ass" or "jilat buah" if it means that someone else will take the fall.

i somehow feel very guilty about the audit. i feel like i should have done more, could have done more. haiz.

i don't like to dissapoint. especially those who put alot of faith in me. i don't want to do wrong, as im afraid my mistakes will cause other people close to me problems.

hi, my name is sha.

and i am afraid

collateral damage

2008-07-05T01:29:00.000+08:00

what the hell. just because of one thing, all of us get screwed badly. it's just blowing things out of proportion. i admit, we are not blameless, but still, we are not at fault!

musibot!

if "that" thing happens, i really will be going nuclear. i hope against all hope that it will not occur, but if it does, i want out too. Damnit!

it feels as if ALL our hard work isn't worth anything. i'm not complaining for myself; i'm complaining for the rest too.

we all sacrificed alot. i don't think we deserve this.

i am intensely angry, but this is nothing in comparison if what i fear most will happen.

i'm begging that he doesn't ruin my little happy world.

im just hoping that he'll come to his senses and does some damage control. don't just shoot because you have some reserve pent up anger somewhere.

went to a DOA case last night. DOA stands for Death On Arrival. patient was dead almost 2 days. the stench was unbearable. the closest thing i can relate to is intensely stinky eggs plus rotting meat. and the worse thing is, the stench sticks to you. your uniform, your arms.

shit happens!

2008-06-27T10:42:00.000+08:00

Germanys' in, Turkey is out.

damn, was supporting the underdogs. turkey have been a surprise revelation this Euro08 with their comebacks. seems like the "miracle of istanbul" over and over again. nvm, still gonna get their jersey.

tonight's match is the one i'm afraid about. spain vs russia. if you were to ask me a few weeks ago who would have been the winner in this match i wouldn't hesitate to tell you the answer. now, im not so sure. but, tonight, my heart will go for la furia roja.

audit's started. spent the most of last night doing paperwork, checking the medical lockers, searching for documents, checking the alpha (ambulance) for any missing items and such. checked the CA bag to see whether it was a complete set. updated the medical expiry board. help my paramedic with the medical locker items and clearing and correcting case records.

i don't mind doing it though, cos i just want the audit to go well and smoothly without any clusterfcuks, and also because my paramedic is the audit i.c, so i wouldn't want her to get dissapointed or screwed over for any mistakes we did. it wouldn't be fair to her especially, since this few duties she's been very hardworking about it. hehehe. and that is at all not her normal behavior. lol.

tomorrows physical recall. already ironed my uniform and just waiting for the call tomorrow to rush back to station within the alotted time slot. bugger my station being so ulu and inaccessible.

and oh yeah, fahmy and me are crazy. going for things that are impossible. lol

la furia roja!

2008-06-24T01:34:00.000+08:00

Spain went through!

Germany Turkey Russia and Spain.

Portugal Turkey Netherlands and Spain. I thought it would have turned out this way for Euro08.

Funny how things work out huh.

A rematch between Russia and Spain. VERY interesting.

Shall i dare hope for another 4-1 trouncing? hehehe

2008-06-23T15:08:00.000+08:00

tonight, i don't want to cry.

i don't want another repeat of 2 years ago.

it really broke my heart that time.

so unbelievable, how things turned out in such a space of time.

turned out for the worst.

even thinking about it hurts me so.

i guess some scars really do stay with you, reminding you of the hurt they inflicted once.

so tonight, please god,

let spain win against italy.

LOL.

buat suaspen (suspense) je!

recently, had cravings for cheesecake, in this order;

PM Shafiee and Partners' Oreo Cheesecake. Anything that has to do with Oreos is Awesome

SAMO Rosli's Thin Chocolate Layered Creamy Cheesecake. Creamy

PM Lelawaty's Original Cheesecake. I like her cake's homemade crunchy base. Betul punya biskot. Haha

Coffeebean's Cheesecake. I can never finish a single slice. Have to share it with Salleh all the time

Also, watched The Incredible Hulk. Finally, a good show worth watching. And i can't believe i related more to a big green bulky vein-y thing than to say, spiderman or iron man. he's so vulnerable and sad. And the fact that he clicked very well with Betty was almost bittersweet. haha

2008-06-18T16:19:00.000+08:00

today is a major achievement in my life thus far.

i managed to not make my bed for a whole day. LOL.

im incredibly happy with that. to see my bed messy with the pillows all scrunched up gives a sense of joy. it must be the guy in me. messiness runs in our veins.

watched kungfu panda and narnia yesterday. i can only say its ok. if i say anymore it wouldn't be fair to those that want to watch it. going to catch hulk tml.

can't wait for thursday! it'd be nice to see so many old faces and some new ones again, while i kick their asses on the pitch. LOL. yeah right!

2008-06-15T08:25:00.000+08:00

you know those kinds of medication that states, "may cause drowsiness, do not handle heavy machinery"?

well, don't eat them when your objective is to catch a late night euro08 match, unless you whole idea in the first place was to sleep and drool incessantly in front of the tv. emphasis on drool. haha.

been sick this thursday. major sore throat (my most hated sickness), fever, flu, clogged nose which caused that headache feeling in the front part of your brain.

you know im sick when i decline to eat the 2nd piece of a KFC 2 piece meal.

recently had a case. in all honesty, it was the most uber bloodiest case i have ever attended. won't say much again.

pays' come in!

will get myself a SPAIN jersey. it does and will not matter if they get booted out of euro08, hopefully not though yeah; i will still get a SPAIN jersey. maybe if i have abit more money, i'll print the no. 6 with the name 'Ash Zil' on the back.

that nice shirt from cotton on.

diesel men's fuel for life.

a new pair of specs. that's first on my list.

a new haircut. that's second.

will watch the movies that i earlier stated in my previous entry.

yay! im on my off! gonna catch the movies on monday. soccer on thursday with the lifeline gang. work on friday and saturday (:

2008-06-11T00:07:00.000+08:00

indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull.
the chronicles of narnia: prince caspian.
kungfu panda.
the happening.
the incredible hulk.

sex and the city (er, still 40/60 on this, even with lela's repeated recommendations, LOL)

don't mess with the zohan.
never back down.
the love guru.

the first 5 movies are the ones i'm going to watch once i get my pay. without much hesitation i will go to the cinema and sit my ass down and watch them.

sex and the city is a maybe. cos mainly, it's a chick flick, and i'm no chick; more towards a rooster i am, if we're still talking in chicken lingo. and also, i have not watched a single episode of sex and the city on HBO, so i'm afraid that i can't really follow the plot of the movie.

the last three, since it hasn't come out yet, i could just probably watch it next month.

life's been pretty stressed lately, with audits and stuff. also, personally i feel like i have to step up everytime i go to work. why? haha. that i shall keep to myself.

met the medics and the shf over the past week. was very happy to meet both of them (:

met the shf to get someone's birthday gift. haha. saw xt and the rest.

"i guess that instead of being the ones to mingle and walk in the crowd, we're turning into those that sit on the bench and watch people pass us by"

yeah, i think i've changed too. i know i've changed. for good or for bad i don't know yet.

anyway, 16th to 19th is my leave. if anyone wants to jio me out, please do yeah.

can't wait for the 19th (:

EURO08 is ON!!!!!

2008-05-31T17:03:00.000+08:00

im sad.

and yet i don't know why.

could it be that my right shoulder is aching so much til i can't fall asleep?

haha.

bummer bummer!

the day JIFS got a basketball hoop

2008-05-29T12:49:00.001+08:00

haven't been blogging in a while, due to recent surge of work. audits' coming, so everyone has to play a part to make sure everything's going smoothly.

been running alone too, as my junior medic is on attachment at Clementi. when i state running alone, it means going for calls with just a three man crew, or more specifically, a 2 man plus 1 woman crew. just me, kak lela and my ambulance driver.

going to calls alone is intensely fun, you get to learn things faster and get to improve yourself and your speed of doing things, though the workload is more and you get tired often. but i don't complain as im going for calls with the most awesome paramedic the service has ever seen. haha! she can make tense situations incredibly funny and relaxed.

case in point, ytd me and her went for a call at PIE. an RTA with 2 casualties. i won't divulge too much though, but i can say that the situation was very tensed up. however with her trademark roll of the eyes and grin, the tension sort of melted and i could just take a deep breather and relax. she says that that is her coping-with-stress mechanism.

i think mine is taking a very deep breath and uttering as many curses under my breath while nobody's looking.

well, to sum it all up, she is the legend. lol!

" this is the iso-electric line. if it's not straight it's irregular, which means that there might be some breathing difficulties "

thank you for teaching me kak (:

also went for my foster station's chalet at downtown east on one of my off days. it was great to see so many familiar faces again. like mirza, alex, fahmy, wong, shafiee, izzat and asik. and kak arriana! gosh was so happy to see her, cos she taught me quite a few things when i was on attachment. she's happily married now. congrats kak! haha

now, on to more important matters,

Happy Birthday Xueting!

gosh she's hit the magic 21!

haha. have always and will always wish the best for you ya (:

2008-05-14T15:07:00.000+08:00

there goes a saying, "friends stab you in the front"

i think it goes to say that whatever hurtful things your close ones would say to you, they won't do it behind your back. they'd say it directly in your face.

haha. it hurts taking those jabs without doing anything or saying something nasty in return. my feelings get disregarded just like that. like as if i don't deserve whatever recognition or achievement goes my way, just because it doesn't come to your way too.

being your friend doesn't mean that i'm your emotional punching bag.

where's your own secret CIA agent/"girlfriend" when you need one?

sarah i need you.

Chuck!

2008-05-07T13:13:00.000+08:00

god i'm so in love with this new show that's airing on AXN every monday at 9pm. It's called "Chuck"

the show is damn funny. it's a er romantic action series i guess?

it's about this average guy next door who unwittingly gets thousands of CIA and NSA secrets embedded in his brain through an e-mail, and because of that, the CIA sends it's agent to protect him.

did i forget to mention that the CIA agent is extremely hot Yvonne Strahovski, who acts as Sarah Walker in the series. im so in love with her.

"vicky vamp, vick a vicky vamp, vicky vicky vicky vamp" LOL

she's my type of agent if i ever need to get some protection. haha!

2008-05-05T16:53:00.000+08:00

went to jasmine's birthday chalet on saturday. happy birthday jas! haha

caught up with some old friends, like xin yi and douglas. saw xueting and the rest of the familiar faces. missed them alot.

after that the guys, or rather most of the guys decided to catch soccer at some place, in the end aaron drove 8 guys in his lancer to his place. 8 guys in a car. some of them got violated. i didn't, cos i got the front seat. Nyahahaha!

but seriously, the east side changed alot sia, especially that new shopping place near downtown east, with it's big cadbury ferris wheel. didn't feel like singapore at all.

arrived at aaron's place, and watched a boring match. with sunderland playing, it's surely a cure for insomnia.

reached back home at around 230am.

what's up with the heat? it's coming in waves, and with me having a burn time of less that 2 to 3 mintues, even walking from my room to the kitchen demands me wiping sweat off my forehead. haha

and oh yeah, ben showed me this dancecrew from this american show, " america's best dancecrew " called JabbaWockeez. They are without doubt, the best crew i've seen. Period. Just go to Imeem or Youtube and type in their names.

to end this post, i leave with me saying;

don't make decisions for me, even if you think it's for my own good

to the movies

2008-05-04T06:07:00.000+08:00

went with salleh to watch Iron Man and Harold and Kumar yesterday.

Iron man was awesome, but the starting was kind of draggy. him getting captured and all. but once he started to put on his mark 3 suit, i was all fanboy-like. whoa!

Harold and Kumar, was in-your-face funny. it's all frat boy humor and stuff, but it's freaking funny ah. one of my most favorite lines in the movie, " F**k you, donuts are awesome "

i think i met someone from poly at golden landmark, but as it was very dark i couldn't really see who it was when she waved at me. if you're reading this, i'm sorry if i gave you a stunned look and didn't wave back, but believe me my eyesight's getting worse. my bad.

still on my much deserved leave, though i miss working at times too. hehe. bought for myself one graniph tee and one mandarin chinese learners' dictionary, to assist me at work. Yao's going to ORD, so it might help if one of us knew just a bit of chinese to make things abit easier;

" Auntie, uncle, wo men qi yi yuan ah "

kak lela also says that once i come back from leave, i'll be promoted one rank up. in all honesty, i kind of like having no rank on my shoulders. being lance corporal means you have to shoulder some more added responsibility. i'm not scared mind you, just that with the new status and all, people have higher expectations of you and so on. i just hope i'll be able to reach them that's all.

but, one the plus side, once i get my rank i'll be going to alex to change the size of my uniform. the one im wearing is too big, and with all the constant jogging and training, i've rather slimmed down, if i do say so myself. LOL

now to get ready for jasmine's birthday chalet. haha

"but hold your breath,
because tonight will be the night that i will fall for you.
over again.
don't make me change my mind.
i won't live to see another day,
i swear it's true.
because a girl like you is impossible to find.
you're impossible to find"

April

2008-04-28T14:33:00.000+08:00

gosh i haven't been blogging for a long time. been busy with work and all other related stuff, but the month of april has been very eventful.

as posted in my earlier post, from the 1st to the 10th of april, i had my attachment stint at station 11, also known as Central Fire Station. I fell in love with the station immediately. the building is so awesome, it's like you're touching living history. the people there are awesome; the drivers, the paramedics and the medics.

to shafiee and lynn. god you both are awesome. going on calls with shafiee is more like going for a field trip than going for a call. the atmosphere when you're with him is relaxed but focus. he treats you as an equal, and not as someone inferior. and he justs knows how to make you laugh. truth be told, it's like having an older brother. yeah. something like that.

lynn. i have to thank her for all the things she did. she was the first to notice that i got a cut and told me to treat it. she also noticed that i had a cold and gave me panadol cold. she also, somehow lifted my spirits up when that ah teng questioned my abilities. if shafiee is a big brother, lynn is a mum, an unbelievable mum.

the drivers; abang ithnin, uncle lee, abang jack and abang othman.

the medics; asyraf, alex, aleric, andrew, izzat, ali, wong, and even ah teng, and especially my own mates, dan, dylan and my best mate fahmy

and that one pmt. lol

almost didn't want to go back. however,

on one side you have the list of people above, on the other you the list of people below from Station 14;

SSG Lela. Hands down one of the most legendary, and i repeat again, legendary paramedics to go on call with, and arguably the most fun among the rest. haha

Encik Halim. Best driver there. like a Dad.

Rota 3 Fireside. Plenty of laughs with them. even got kissed twice by one of their hazmat people. LOL!

i guess, to sum it up, my hearts for 11 but the blood that is running through is type-14.

Also,

had our first major MOC outing at the cage. 15 plus people. hopefully lots more will turn up next time.

ran alone for the first time when i came back from 11. pretty fun actually. but now im gifted with a junior medic, so its a tag team partnership from now on. haha

passed my ippt! woo!

next up, im gunning for silver in ippt, and just wanting to be better in all things related to medic. haha

on a side note, i miss all my un-medic related friends too. the shf, the street soccer guys etc

i wish i could see them soon

Central Fire Station

2008-04-03T14:32:00.001+08:00

Attachment at Central Fire Station from 1-10 April.

first day was already so "happening"

first case was a maternity case

10 cases in one day. went back home and just ko-ed in the shower

but somehow, i'm falling in love with the station and it's people. the place is so rustic; it's like how a firestation should be, with it's brick walls and victorian-esque design and it's doors.

it's always fun to hear the electronic siren sounding, which means that i have to turnout

all the cases are damn interesting too. Just last night had a case at ngee ann city. who knew huh? haha

but something is bothering me. there's this cut on my left hand, and im worried. what with all the patients we have to deal with. i mean, i already applied decaderm and wore gloves, but still, it's kinda scary. it still hasn't healed yet

2008-03-14T08:08:00.000+08:00

OMG

it finally hit me;

my job is the " one-where-you-can-die-from-infectious-diseases-if-you're-not-careful " kind of job

shit!

2008-03-08T11:56:00.000+08:00

"sometimes forgetting the past will only ruin the future"

many things running through my mind.

had to bite my tongue alot of times to prevent myself saying or doing something that i could or would regret later.

so, i did what angela did. thanks angie, for helping me out even though you don't know it (:

PSP slim on March 14th!

nine in the afternoon ~ Panic! at the disco

whatever it takes ~ Lifehouse

love hurts ~ Incubus

1, 2, 3, 4 ~ Feist

a circle street with no end

2008-02-18T09:33:00.000+08:00

i can't sleep

i wanted to sleep before going for work later tonight

but hell, this always happens

so many thoughts going through my head

i love my job, really, but sometimes i hate it so much too

it's a blessing and a curse

at those down times, you really can't just say " i quit "

it's the same cycle over and over again

you see things from a different point of view

the eyes still haunt me sometimes. some days more than others

god i miss being a civilian

i just want to run away, hide myself in a corner and curl up

selamatkan ku?

2008-02-18T06:34:00.000+08:00

1. Amy Winehouse - Love Is A Losing Game

2. Jonas Brothers - When You Look Me In The Eyes

3. Buck Cherry - Sorry

4. Lenny Kravitz - I'll Be Waiting

5. Kanye West ft Chris Martin - Homecoming

hmm, the 5 songs that i've put in my playlist when i go to and from work. But out of all of them, my most favorite one is;

2008-02-12T13:55:00.000+08:00

first of all, this is going to be a highly emotionally fuelled post:

i don't mind people drinking, but what i abhore most of all is when people do not know the limits and over-indulge. that was one such case i went to : AI, or alcohol intoxication

you bloody fcuker. we were trying to help you. i don't mind the curses you spat here and there. god i've been cursed a heck lot of times in this line of work. so what. what pisses me off is the fact that you couldn't recognise the fact that we were helping you.

now my hand has some scratches from you. fcuk.

i really hate it when people don't appreciate the fact that you have helped, or are helping them. in their moment of anger or craziness, they can forget and start treating you like a doormat, or like we're insignificant.

i don't mind when people forget the things i did for them. it's ok. i guess in their state of anger they forget and treat you like nobody.

i guess in a few months that drunk uncle will probably forget who helped him when his head was bleeding. that's fine by me. he means nothing to me anyway. not a friend, not even a casual acquaintance of sorts.

but please, to all the people that drink; drink responsibly yeah. please

offrun

2008-02-07T02:48:00.000+08:00

all i can remember is coming into my mum's room and saying, " ma, shaliz tak sedap badan "

my mum told me that after i said that, i sort of slumped and rested myself against her bedroom wall. she brought me into the shower and just bathed me in cold water cos my body was very hot, and yet i was shivering

she then brought me to NUH at around 1plus am in the morning.

MC 4days. severe diarrhoea.

fcuk. haven't felt that bad since i don't know when.

my headache is killing me right now. going to rest. haiz

ambivalence

2008-01-23T14:37:00.000+08:00

met up with my other medics today. just chilled around and chit chatted and just shared our stories. i miss my buddies alot, cos in MOC, we would get to see each other everyday, and nowadays the only chance to see each other is if we stumble into each other at the hospitals.

thats a sign of how my social life has gone down the drain, when the only chance to see your friends is at the hospital. haha

it was such a welcome respite from the job, to see them, cos it's like, they really can understand what the feeling is whenever you get a phone call. they can really relate how the feeling is when you see lots of blood, or when you do CPR on a patient and only see assytole. in a nutshell, the feeling can be pretty fcuk-ed up.

but very slowly and surely, i can feel myself getting used to the job. it still scares the heck out of me, but less of the heck comes out now.

i still hate it though, when you're about to change shift and go home after a shift, when suddenly there's a phone call, and you have to attend.

oh! and there's a legend about eating paus during you shift. haha

am totally enjoying my 2 days off.

miss medic huh? lol. that's going to be abit hard, cos most medics are male. the only female ones are paramedics, and they're old enough to be my mum. urgh. hold the thought.

good luck with you and your miss max brenner though. haha. chocolatey, yum!

there's always a first for everything

2008-01-21T13:52:00.000+08:00

4 cases today.

one DIB, one fall ( medical case ), one fall from height, and one collapse.

the last 2, the patients died.

one died in hospital.

the other was a DOA ( Death On Arrival ).

the fall from height case scared me. you could see how glazed his eyes were, how it seemed to be looking at something over my shoulder, yet looking at nothing at all. truth be told, you could almost see the life escaping from his eyes.

my senior medic had to ask me, " are you ok? " a few times when i kept quiet after the last 2 cases. in one day, i saw 2 people die. the DOA case made me very sad. you could see the relatives crying, and one family member actually fainted.

it's hard to separate work from the rest of my life. at home i can think and almost smell blood on my hands.

but i have to try and distance one from the other. if not, i think i could turn crazy. i have to try. some days it's hard, some days it's easy, cos ur way too damn tired to think about anything.

some days it's painful, when all your problems culminate into one big thing and hit you point blank.

during those days, i just feel like curling up into a ball and hide under my blanket.

there's this line that goes around;

the medic saves you, but who saves the medic?

who indeed?

i'm scared

RTA

2008-01-18T10:02:00.000+08:00

53 people injured in two accidents along Pioneer Road.

The first accident involved three lorries in a chain collision that resulted in 51 people injured. Three of the injured were trapped in one of the lorries and had to be extricated by civil defence officers.

50 metres away, on the opposite side of the road heading towards Tuas, there was another collision that involved two lorries. Two people were hurt in that accident.

- From Channel Newasia

Alpha 141 was there. Major RTA

god

the toilet is haunted

2008-01-17T06:51:00.000+08:00

let me start this post with the words,

JI toilet is confirmed haunted. told the story with my mum, and when i was talking with her just now, she told me that one of her friends daughter also said that JI toilets are haunted. but there is a discrepancy. the daughter in question is a female, but i go to the gents toilet? Lol. woo. awesome, now i can't even pee or crap in peace.

going to sleep soon. night duty starts at 9pm, hafta be at JP by 1900.

Me, Fauzie and Faizal are at Jurong Island
Azam and Firdaus are at Jurong
Iskandar and Hafiz are at Bukit Batok
Guan Ming is at Ang Mo Kio
Dainial and Fahmy are at Central
Afiq and Razi are at Alex
Sholihin and Syed are at Paya Lebar
Nazrul is at Woodlands
Ridhwan is at Clementi

An update of cases my friend shared;

gang fight. 10 people hoot 1. ouch
some drunk guy who pee'd in his pants. dumbass
some guys who fell of their bicycle. another dumbass
suicide case. decomp body. damn shocking

how to save a life?

budak pantai

2008-01-16T11:03:00.000+08:00

2nd day working at jurong island ambulance post. switched to a post near the mainland, cos that's where the ambulances are placed.

my favorite part of the morning is the lorry ride, cos it somehow reminds me of those old world war 2 movies, where the soldiers would be boarding those big lorries, while they chew gum, smoke cigarettes and just look at each other, waiting to jump down from the lorry and start shooting people. haha

i like the ride cos it's open air, and i can just see the sun rise and the factories in boon lay.

finally know my ROTA. im in Rota 2, and i have to work wednesday and thursday night, 8pm to 8am. i also have to work with this paramedic whom everybody says is kinda grumpy and likes to nag. ah well *shrugs*

the ambulance post i am stationed in is rather cosy, with bunks. and i think the toilet is haunted. nyahaha! im not lying. kinda scary tale to tell. tml night shift some more. oh my tian! haha. the food there is expensive, which means i can jian fei too!

today had 2 cases that i remember.

1 trauma case near boon lay industrial estate (my post covers the whole boon lay and tuas areas, and sometimes even to Vivo). multiple fractures

1 case of collapse. but alpha 121 managed to reach before us, so had to u-turn

it's funny, cos everytime i go to MSN, my other medic friends will be like, comparing cases;

" how? got see blood today? "

" no leh. trauma only nia "

its' almost like comparing trading cards. scary sense of humor

my friend and i suggested, to pass time, we play shift chess, where we would play chess against one another, but the catch is, you can only move your piece during your shift. so basically, it will take 2 days for each of us to reply to the other's moves, cos when im off day, he's on duty. i think ORD also we won't be finished playing. lol

i want to watch "PS i love you". it's the movie adaptation from the book with the same name, written by cecilia ahern. i also want to read "Love in the time of Cholera". Lol

it's not easy, to keep it all together and just stop trying

jurong island

2008-01-15T12:20:00.000+08:00

finally. POP-ed from 105th MOC. Earned that badge with my blood ( lots of it ), sweat ( even more ), and tears ( a bit only nia )

was abit bummed that i didn't get Best in Theory, cos i thought i had a chance. Haha. Even dan was like, " its your's la. if you get you treat me lunch ". but, it wasn't to be. haiz. nevermind, just do my best in station, and don't kill anyone can liao le.

first day of work.

instead of reporting to Bukit Batok, we had to report to Alexandra, cos there was a mix-up between divisions. 1st div is jurong island. 4th div is jurong fire. stupid CDA cockup.

collected the CA kit, and off we went to our respective fire stations.

jurong island -_-"

actually its ok, if you forget about all the plants etc, you can actually see the sea and see the sunset. and its very quiet at night.

very very tired.

and now cos of work, i think my schedule is all clusterfcuk-ed up. haha!

2008-01-02T12:09:00.000+08:00

just came back from sending my friends off. the feeling is rather heavy, when you imagine yourself to be with them, instead of bidding them goodbye and see you later.

it's the new year.

HMLS ( Hazardous Materials Life Support ) is on thursday.
Final Theory Test is on friday.
Final PAM ( Patient Assessment Model ) Practical Test is next wednesday.
Final Exercise is next thursday.

POP is next friday.

it's 2008.

for the most part, 2007 has been intensely unbelievable. it's the last few weeks that havent really been nice. some is because of my own dumb fault, some is just cos of pure dumb bad luck.

for my MOC problems, its the last stretch of the course. it still hurts that i didnt get selected, but theres still 4 awards that are up for grabs. Best in theory. Best in prac. Best trainee. Most Improved trainee. i know that i won't get most improved, cos one of my good friends will get that. i really hope he does. his transformation is amazing. in best trainee, i think it's a longshot, but i still pray. best in practical, i dun think i will get that. there are far better people in my class. best in theory, i shall not lie to myself. i want that very badly. i think i have a fair shot. will ace my final theory test.

but ultimately, i wish that my good buddy yasin will POP with me. if i had to choose between him and that award, i'd choose him.

secondly, the broken chinaware. i feel sad for my mum, so for my next pay im going to get her another new set. the least i could do for someone who's been there for me for 20 years without fail, and who makes breakfast for me everyday.

about my teddy bears, all broke except for one. at least i still have him. maybe i could start a new collection.

thirdly, my knee. truth be told, it's not getting any better. cos it's not really a good time to get injured, when you're in NS. i told marlon that i may want to go for surgery at the end of the year, when i have enough cash. so for the time being, im just going to bear with it

lastly, that problem. i won't ever be that stupid again. ever

Sha

I never saw a wild thing,
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough,
without ever having felt sorry for itself.

my outing with marlon

2008-01-02T11:21:00.000+08:00

went to bugis with marlon on new year's eve.
guess i needed someone to just chit chat with.
he was like a welcome breath of fresh air after you've worn the CA suit for far too long

am very glad to have a brother like him.
i find it funny that we became close last time because we were both in the same boat, so to speak.

we both coined the term stoic together. the word stoic itself has its own meaning, but for us, it means, " strength.to.overcome.infinite.obstacles "

i forgot about that a while back, but he made me remember.

im so thankful i have him.

and taking a leaf out of his book, im intensely thankful for these few people too :

angela
kelly
marlon
sue
salleh
tatsiong
ai ling
sya
nasir
xuetinz

~the strong nv fail and nv die

angina pectoris

2007-12-31T14:01:00.000+08:00

i give up.

i just can't take it anymore.

i haven't yet dealt and tried to solve all the problems i'm currently facing, and yet another has to happened.

little brother was searching for batteries in mum's china cabinet. unfortunately one section fell. all of my mum's precious china, her glasses and cutlery and plates broke and shattered. my precious ceramic musical teddy bear collection also shattered. i only have one left, the musical clarinet teddy bear.

when mum saw what happened, she panicked cos the sound was very frightening. but when she saw that little brother was ok, but her chinaware broke, she immediately cried. when i saw my teddy bears broke, i went straight into the toilet and laughed and cried. i didn't know why i laughed, but all i knew was that, at that point, i gave up.

i cannot take it anymore. i can't solve one problem, and yet another has come. im shattered, just like my bears.

im tired of struggling. i want to make things right, but i am afraid.

but right now, all i know is that, i give up.

leave me alone.

2007-12-27T13:50:00.000+08:00

if marlon has stopped trying to be strong, then i'll stop pretending that everything's ok and that i can take it.

i can't elaborate how much it hurts. i really can't

even now more so, to see marlon like that, and me not being in the right frame of mind to give him comfort, when truth be told, i need some myself. desperately. im so sorry marlon.

anyway, had injection today. wasn't as scary as IV, but goddamnit it hurt like hell. the injection water causes the muscles to spasm and your whole arm burns up and hurts at every move you make. was so painful that my eyes watered with the very effort of trying to tahan the pain. the point of injection was ok, relatively painless, but when my buddy pushed the piston and the liquid in, i just could only clench my fists and grind my teeth.

didn't want to scream out like some of my other friends cos was afraid that i would be labelled a wuss.

it still hurts now, though the spasms have decreased.

another piece of sad news. yasin went for a check up on christmas eve and the doctor x-rayed his leg. turned out that he had a stress fracture at his metatarsal. he told me that it had been hurting since his BRT days but he kept quiet and soldiered on.

when the instructors found out about his latest injury, they recommended him to OOC or work as a clerk. seeing his face made me very sad. he was almost to the point of crying. i know he doesnt want to OOC. i don't want him to OOC. he's been such a marvellous friend and it would be a waste if he were to OOC with less than 2 weeks left in training.

made me scared too, cos i have my own physiotherapy session coming up. was supposed to be on the 27th, but had to postpone it due to training. hopefully the clinic will get back to me soon.

i don't want to get OOC too. once is enough. no more. if i have to lie and keep quiet about the seriousness of the injury, i will. screw my tilted patella or whatever crap. as long as i can walk, can run, can march, i'll shut up and take it as it is.

Sha

2007-12-25T19:44:00.000+08:00

i can't sleep.

i keep going through my mind what i did correct and what i did wrong.

i know that i put my heart and soul into this.

"good, but not good enough"

merry xmas

2007-12-25T16:11:00.000+08:00

i didnt get selected.

what did i do wrong? what could i have done better?

i just..

screw my knee

nerves

2007-12-24T16:32:00.000+08:00

i couldn't sleep. studied all my notes. all. polished my boots and ironed my smart 4 to almost footdrill competition standard.

i am still so nervous anxious and scared.

hope tml doesn't dissapoint.

gosh.

xmas is coming!

2007-12-24T13:57:00.000+08:00

met up with the poly clique just now. had lunch with them and had a small gift exchange. haha. it was funny, guessing what gifts what who would receive them. it was very heartwarming to see them all again. especially nasir. god i havent seen him for months.

then some of us had to bid goodbye cos of their own stuff, so the rest of us walked around, trying to do some last minute shopping. eventually the guys had to go off first, cos most of them were booking in tonight.

i had to leave early too. have to "kilat" my boots and smarten my smart 4 til crisp. tml's there's going to be an interview for the selection. and im freaking scared and anxious and nervous. i really want to be selected. really want to. been working hard and trying to ace the papers in class. if i don't get selected, i think i will really be so devastated. nvm. lets not think about that

on a more lighter note.

sue, i keep saying about snow* cos to me, thats' what christmas means. i imagine this scene where snow will be falling around a wooden lodge, and where i am sitting on a heath rug with my feet near a fireplace, and drinking hot cocoa with marshmellows.

and also cos i have never ever seen snow before. real one or artificial.

wish me luck for tml *hopes*

it's so cold

2007-12-21T13:46:00.000+08:00

it's so cold.

i need to get me a cardigan soon.

right now i'll make do with wearing the pt shirt under my smart 4.

5 days to xmas.

and i haven't seen snow* yet. i don't have time to go to tanglin mall.

night classes. confinement. punishment.

haiz

4 more weeks to go

2007-12-19T12:41:00.000+08:00

met afiq just now for lunch. he POP-ed from his Provost Course last week. felt very happy for him. he got best trainee too. tsk tsk. mai siao siao. haha

but kinda felt sad and sian too, cos we are one of the few vocations left stuck at CDA. the firefighters are going to POP in 2 weeks. the 26th ERS is going to POP soon too.

my vocation is taking alot of my time and energy. sometimes its really hard to wake up and drag myself from bad to go to class and all. having to put on a mask at times and play politician doesnt really suit me at all.

and also not having time to spend with my friends and so.

but then i remember;

it's the vocation i wanted.
i want to make the people i love be proud of me.
i want to make a difference and save lives.
i want to learn something that i can use for all my life.

today we learned how to do assists in maternity cases. the instructors showed us this maternity video. childbirth is so, graphic.

so i guess, i will continue sacrificing for the greater good (: nobody said this vocation was easy. haha.

xmas is coming!

2007-12-17T13:32:00.000+08:00

xmas is coming. 9 more days. gosh! and i still haven't seen snow falling. haha. the world isnt in deep s*** if snow falls on singapore lon. haha. it justs signals climate change.

went to bugis on friday, straight after booking out from camp. went with my MOC mates. first, headed to beach road army market. some went to look for extra bootlaces and ippt badges. i went there to look for a para-bag. actually, i could just iqbal to take my one from my former ERS bunk. haha.

after that, came the feast of the day. went to eat soup tulang and mee goreng basah at the famous stalls. simply delicious. eating with friends made the whole situation that much better.

headed to bugis village by foot. stopped over at the "gotham" building to take pics, but it was rather dark, so all the pics came out weird.

reach bugis village, where me and azam danced to the tune of billie jean by michael jackson just outside the traffic light. haha. went inside to look for cardigans. fareez heard from me who heard from xueting that there were $10 cardigans on sale there, so off we went to look. we found nice $15 ones there. my mate bought one but i didn't. haha. dunnoe why. i think im still holding out for the perfect cardigan. the one cardigan to rule them all. haha.

and yes, Bugis so damn big and messy still got fate (:

after that, headed to arab street to chill at one of those cafes. actually the original plan was to shisha, but im not such a fan and we changed locations to this small cafe called 'Mosi Cafe'. Mosi=MOC. geddit? Lol.

had the perfect friday!

9 days to christmas! *~
4 days to hari raya haji!
14 days to the new year!
25/26 days to POC!

I.V

2007-12-12T02:30:00.000+08:00

am seriously sick of and because of the rain. why can't it snow in Singapore?

my nose is as red as rudolph, and maybe my voice sounds like him too. sorethroat.

i don't mind the cold. Nevermind, for xmas this year, i want;

Snow. *. Simple plain snow. snow snow snow snow snow snow snow.

actually, it could happen you know. if the temperature gets really low, the water droplets will turn into the snow before it reaches the ground.

am sick of seeing mud on my boots. i dun mind kicking some snow around though. haha

tomorrow is the dreaded i.v. can't tell you how much it scares me, or else you'd call me a wuss. yet after seeing the pic that syed sent me.... *prays*

oh yeah, the new 106th intake came in today. Welcome to the suck! Nyahahaha!

and oh yeah, izzat, or DI Izzat as i should call you now, where the heck is my smart 3 badge. tak nampak seh batang hidung badge aku?

the weather and my bed is calling me to sleep now. g'night~

p.s, i want snow*

p.p.s, Dear Lon bro, happy 20th birthday mate, in 1hr 30min more (: happy for you. just hang in there alright. you know what i mean

fcuk you

2007-12-07T12:20:00.000+08:00

to that idiot scum sucking piece of shit, why couldn't you just shut your freaking mouth for just a few minutes and suck it up.

why couldn't you just accept the fact that it's a one for all, all for one deal you selfish ignorant bastard.

fcuk you, you know that. you complicated what could have just been a simple punishment.

how could you be that stupid. or are you that stuck up to think that we are below you?

no man is an island you dumb fcuk.

7 to 8 weeks, and yet the message has not sunk in yet? you asshole, i find you intensely impossible.

whatever we do, we do as one. the good and the bad.

you dumbass. you have seriously pissed me off. how hard is it to control your piehole for just a few minutes huh? how freaking hard is it?

keep your twisted brand of reasoning to yourself.

i have been patient with you. i am not perfect, yet i have been patient with you. but now.

do you even understand the magnitude of what you have just done? do you?

you have condemned our group to humiliation. now everytime others see us, they don't see what we have tried to achieve, they see you and the image you have created for us, in just those few minutes of stupidity on your part.

goddamnit. and you know what the worst part is? i have to see you everyday and try to pretend to be your friend.

and i, no, we have to save your ass in case anything happens. i would gladly risk my life for any one of the others, but for you, make sure that your life is worth saving.

get pumped. get fcuked. shut up. suck it up.

is THAT so impossibly hard?

fcuk you. just fcuk you

suck it up. its' only tuesday

2007-12-05T12:06:00.000+08:00

i live to save. yet, who is going to save me?

hope this week passes by damn fast. am tired of staying up til 3 to study, only to have instructors saying, ' congrats. and a big fcuk you ' when we passed it.

cleared FA.
cleared Resus.
BCLS halfway done.
AED not yet done.

suck it up. it's only tuesday

live to save

2007-12-04T15:04:00.000+08:00

Hey, sorry for the late update of the blog. Had been too busy lately to blog and go online and stuff. haha.

Previous entry mentioned that i POP'ed. Yippee! Now, im in the Medical Orderly Course. Second Chances abound, i can't fcuk this one up.

Training is intense. Well, not as intense as ERS, nevertheless stress enough. haha. Cos every single day they keep mentioning the fact that in this line of work, there is no second chances, and that whatever decision you make, the life of the person you're saving is in your hands.

Get fcuked everyday by the instructors. Nevermind la, after 7pm when i can go home, all the stuff they ask us to do everyday will be forgotten.

Christmas is coming soon. Gotta get my list ready. haha. Hari Raya Haji is coming soon. Whee. Holidays. Lol

These few days i've thought up a list of my simple pleasures:

- the feeling of wearing new socks. the feeling is just supreme.
- recovering from the half right or power leg position.
- breathing. you'll understand when u don the CA suit, trust me.
- getting to go home.
- getting to go home and have a nice shower. Bliss
- watching tv
- having your smart 4 collar stand up for the whole day
- maintaining the kilat-ness of the boots for the whole day
-laughing

6 more weeks to go! (:

went for Standard Chartered 07 yesterday. Thank you so much Kas! for 10 clicks, got a time of 1hr 15min. Am very happy, cos i know how far my knee can go before it goes kaput!

Night!

'live to save, medic!"

POP!

2007-11-24T04:35:00.000+08:00

from a recruit, to a PRIVATE!

haha. celebrated my POP ceremony yesterday. was a rather subdued affair, cuz parents and friends couldnt come. nvm.

some of the events that will stay in my mind:

- enlistment day
- ERS training
- weekend guard duty -_-"
- 105th Footdrill Competition (to which Charlie Company won)
- POP day

the footdrill competition was one to savor. we won Alpha by a margin of 0.6. that close. it meant alot cos the rivalry between alpha and charlie was intense. the win was only spoilt abit by the fact that the upstairs didn't really gave us enough credit. nvm

POP day was something to remember. Route March plus SOC. At first wanted to skip SOC cos i was injured and had an excuse, but then seeing my friends go through it, just went for it. Super damn fun. at the end while jumping of the slope, " POP!"

so, from today to monday, i shall celebrate!

btw, i love this song that is playing in my blog right now.. the tune, if it sounds familiar, is from "Secret'!

6 november

2007-11-11T18:11:00.000+08:00

on the 6th of november, a special person was born.

Happy Birthday Myolie Wu!

my su yi from triumph in the skies! haha

don't ask me about my bday. i dun really give a shit about my bday. it's not that impt. this year's was awfully bad, and i had already set low expectations. the only good thing in the whole grand mess of things was that i donated blood, and it felt good. i think im going to donate blood every 3 months. anybody wanna follow me?

BUT, a big thank you for those that msged me on tuesday. i appreciate it with all my heartfelt gratitude, even though i was asleep by the time the first msg rolled in. haha. was pranked! argh. haha

THANK YOU.

had ippt on wednesday, passed everything except for 2.4. i already told the pti i couldnt run, owing to the injury, but still he asked me to try. failed by 10 seconds. goddamnit. now it starts to hurt more. bugger

final ex is next monday. awesome.
mri scan is next wednesday. physio is next month. i just want it to end quick. the thought of surgery seems quite appealing to me nowadays. hmm.
footdrill competition is next thursday. the one thing i've been putting my heart and soul into every night, even guzzling down painkillers and medicine just to numb the pain. hentak kaki is a killer!

pay came in today. decided to save most of it. be poor now, but rich later (: all the classes i wish to take. chinese language lessons, driving lessons, even rockclimbing etc.

went out with salleh just now. just nice to hang and chill out. coffeebean's cheesecake is uber sinful. haha.

tomorrow going to meet the rest of the guys for some football. been a long time since i met them. it'd be nice to just hang out with the guys once more.

2 more weeks to POP! but sadly, none of my family and friends can go. am uber pissed at that, but what can i do, i'm just a mere recruit

0211. shit i need to get some sleep.

a wasted saturday

2007-11-05T03:14:00.000+08:00

yesterday, in all honesty, was the most wasted saturday in my entire 19 years of life. wasted one day sitting on my arse waiting for every 4 hours. " Weekend Guard Duty ". Fcuk.

i seriously can't believe how i spent my saturday. in the morning got screwed by this one corporal. that's fine. but hell, the whole saturday!

me and my buddies would always look at each other and say,' fcuk, i cant believe this is how im spending my saturday. 700* (spoken in chinese) '

and we didn't get to see anything remotely exciting, what with all the haunted stories of that place. the only thing that came close was the fact that everytime you went in the toilet to take a piss, it felt like someone was watching you. other than that, nothing. effing boring

the only thing great about that saturday was the buddies. laughed like crazy at times over the littlest of things, but i guess when you're stuck, you try to make the best of the situation.

and my pay still hasn't come in yet -_-"

friday was nice. met xt ai ling ts and sya for dinner at vil'age. Nice! wish i could post the pictures. Haha. was seriously tired and still had to pack my stuff for saturday.

met salleh for breakfast after booking out from effing guard duty.

going to sleep now. cutting hair, buying groceries and printing pictures later.

damnit!

2007-10-24T11:33:00.000+08:00

so many thing to say. so many thoughts on my mind. only one do i want to say.

"why does it always happen to me?"

i am so very close to breaking down.

sunday

2007-10-21T17:32:00.000+08:00

in camp, one of my buddies would play this song again and again:

avril lavigne's "when you're gone". the last time i heard it, i felt it was a very nice song with nice lyrics.. i would listen to it again and again.. but then it just sort of gave way to newer nicer songs..

but recently, this song seems to be having some sort of mini comeback to me.

i miss everyone so much. when i booked out on friday and heard that xt was at jurong point, i rushed down like crazy just to see and chat with her for a while. haha. when i met wei jian on the bus to jurong point (his home team academy is a few bus stops from my civil defence academy) and he told me that he's going to go back to school, i rushed down to school to meet kelly, angela cindy, edmund and the rest even though i was damn tired. and i didn't get to buy my zinger cos i was in such a rush to see them. zingers i can get anytime, true friends you can get only once in a while.

reached school, saw kelly, cindy, angela, edmund, lawrence, jason, rohaizad, siewling, and jennifer, who even gave me a hug when i was going back home. thanks jenn! haha. hugs are nice.. lol

when u go in, things will change. you tend to appreciate and identify the more important things in life.

what keeps me going is my friends. i miss them so much. getting a message while im in there is like getting strength to face the day and just, strength to survive the day with a smile.

hearing their voices, seeing them in person. god, its such an awesome feeling. just seeing them, realising that there's a real person behind the msges that they send. i cannot elaborate that enough

i seriously miss them so very much.

i miss playing soccer with my brothers.

i miss having lunches and dinners with my friends.

i miss buying waffles and donuts and whatnots for my friends and loved ones.

i miss having nice long chats.

i miss not having to rush.

i miss being a civilian.

i miss being able to wake up any time you want.

i miss going out with my friends, going to topman or gap to try out new clothes, and complaining about not being able to find the perfect cardigan.

i miss the times where i didn't have to miss anything or anyone.

tired. but like they told me, when you're tired. smile.

one week

2007-10-21T15:27:00.000+08:00

booked out yesterday from the academy.

the course administrator warned us not to divulge too much info on what goes on in ERS training, so i can't really say much here except..

it's hell.. nearly fainted on wednesday and nearly gave up on thursday.. first time ever felt that way. not exaggerating.

next time anybody else says that CD training is slack, im going to freaking break their necks.

if you want to know more, see me at MSN.

still very shagged.

the weekend passes by too fast. bummer

hari raya aka book out!

2007-10-13T17:39:00.000+08:00

yoyo!

just booked out from camp. ok, first things first.

Rec. Muhd Shaliz Nur B Sazali is from Charlie Company Platoon 7. haha. i have an awesome bunk with even awesome bunkmates (except 1).

im a titan. Whoa.

first few days were ok. administrative duties, the usual collecting of uniform. lectures, by god, i can't freaking stay awake long enough to pay attention.

on friday got my vocation posting. only one or 2 knew how i really felt when i got my posting. it was that important and nerve-wracking.

got into the Emergency Rescue Specialist vocation. Amin! from now on, i guess hell really starts. the instructors said that that they're going to fcuking hammer us. Nvm, lets face it one day at a time.

Anyway. Hari Raya le! To all my friends and loved ones; Selamat Hari Raya, maaf zahir dan batin (:

And to my Titan Brothers, on monday morning, welcome to the suck. gives a whole new meaning to monday blues.

goodbye halcyon days

2007-10-09T14:33:00.000+08:00

my last post as a civilian.

i sent all my farewell msges. got very touching replies. guys/gals, thank you. i will do my best and not let you all down.

i packed my bags. double checked them. did a "pasar malam" and noticed that everything was there. all my documents are ready. all my stuff is packed.

i did my last friendster testimonials and facebook graffitis, and now is the last thing i gotta do before i go to bed.

i feel..scared. i feel anxious and nervous. thats the truth. i cant lie.

but, i will face it tomorrow. stoically.

to all those that gave me a msg tonight just before i went to bed. kelly, eng tat, angela, sue, tat siong, ai ling, jonathan, yi wei, ben, salleh, edmund and xueting ( not in order of importance mind you ). thank you so very much. i appreciate it alot and it gave me strength. those small little smses i shall keep in my hp as a reminder whenever i take things for granted.

i'm going to miss you all.

i love you all so much.

thank you all for being a part of my life in this chapter.

i hope, sincerely, that you'll be in my next part (:

sincerely,

Sha

p.s - ' good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow '

anybody knows the next line to this phrase, i will treat them dinner. haha. hint, its from romeo and juliet. LOL

sayonara!

last week

2007-10-09T07:28:00.000+08:00

A round up of the things i did in my last week as a civvie:

Monday
Supposed to meet up with friends at bugis to go army shopping, but as the old adage goes : shit happens. It didn't happen. Nevermind. Went for training in the evening. Had the familiar taste of poly50 training

Tuesday
Met Tatsiong and Engtat early to have a swim at Clementi Swimming Complex first, before heading out to meet Ai ling Xueting Syaza and Jean for Partyworld. Here are the pics (:

Wednesday

Went to army market alone to settle some stuff. Buy my last things etc. Then met Xueting at Jurong Point for dinner cum breaking fast together. Haha. Unfortunately, couldnt post the 2 pics taken that day. One of Xt being "Bob the Builder" and one of me being Shrek riding Donkey. Lol!

Thursday
Went for training as usual. Quite shagged. Then after that had dinner and also celebrated Eng Tats' birthday. Happy Birthday Eng Tat!

Friday

Couldn't remember what i did, other than going for friday prayers, and the weather being extremely freaking hot!

Saturday

Met Xt in the morning for her company check up. After that slacked at JE entertainment centre's ice skating rink to wait up for TS and AL. Met up with the rest and off we headed to the Army Musuem. The rifle that i used in the IMT was spoilt lo! I could have sworn that i shot the target!

After that, all of us headed off to City Hall. Me n xt met up with ger and fizah for fyp dinner. Long time never met them, had lots of catching up to do!

Took lots of pics. At the end, me xt ger ts and al all headed to Mind's cafe at Clarke Quay for a round of games. Had loads of fun! Especially Taboo. Haha.

Took taxi home with Al and Xt. Ai ling. Thank you so very much for your unexpected gift. Im going to make it last til POP (:

Sunday

Wished it didn't happen. Wish the day hadn't existed. It was that bad. Nvm

HAHA. My 2nd last entry as a civilian. Tune in for my last entry! (:

Sha

give until there's nothing left

2007-09-29T17:04:00.000+08:00

Time is like water,

you cannot touch the same water twice,

because the flow that has passed will never pass again.

Enjoy every moment of life.

*trying to remember & relive the waters that has passed. some calm and soothing. some fast yet playfully fun. some rough and choppy.

*if time was water flowing, i wish that life would be a tap.

*10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. 0.

*am i ready?

*it really doesn't seem to matter. it will still come.

*f.i.n.e

No one told me the right way, the right way to go about this

So I'll figure it out for myself

11

2007-09-28T17:31:00.000+08:00

Went for training on monday. Did the usual stuff. Laps plus static exercises. Favorite part was dinner, went to the " Prata House " at Clementi with Xt, Ts, Et and Al. Thats xueting tatsiong engtat and ailing for the uninitiated ones.

The roti bom was quite nice leh, but it's god awful small. The company was awesome. I managed to get some new songs on my HP. Whee!! Haha

Had a serious scare on tuesday night and wednesday. Nvm, it's over and everythings ok (:

As of now, 0231 hundred hours, there is 11 days more.

Yeah, less than a fortnight left.

11.

Wow. I dunno how to explain how i feel, but if i had to sum it up in one word, or acronym, it'd be

F.I.N.E.

Wow, really 11 days left? Damn.

wednesday

2007-09-20T12:23:00.000+08:00

hmm. just got back from breaking fast with a few friends of mine.

ben went in today. to the NDU at Sembawang Camp. All the best, good luck and see you soon man! (:

felt the same way as when marlon, salleh and the others went in 2 months back. very sad and lonely. though i know the lonely part is baseless, considering how many great friends i still have

i wonder how i'll feel when i go in? haha. considering how sad i feel when my friends go in.

seems like just yesterday when we won the Poly50 and had our celebratory dinner. seems like yesterday when i saw most of them bald headed for the first time. haha.

time flies really fast huh. in 20 more days, i'll be going in.

it's funny you know; last time i said that i wished that time would fly so that i wouldn't be stuck where i am when other people seemed to have made their move. now all i wish for is just for abit more time to enjoy the good moments. does that make me sound indecisive?

ah nvm. haha. this is what happens when u have too much time on your hands.

gotta go bathe!

oh yeah, im feeling a whole lot better today. my body temperature went way down, and i don't feel so tired anymore. haha.

monday blues

2007-09-18T15:38:00.000+08:00

i am pissed with my little brother and sister. why? the reason being, they installed so much crap on the shared computer that now it hangs so easily. crap such as those stupid barbie doll games, crap such as some "pc-speeding" program that ironically, ended up slowing the computer further.

but no, i am also pissed because when i just got home from training, i got an earful from my dad for this. sometimes being the elder brother sucks. it really sucked just now, standing there and getting a lecture i didn't deserve, and in my current state too.

it's not my fault ok? i already told them countless of times not to already worsen this already retarded computer. do u think i actually am very glad that the computer is so fcuking slow its' almost embarassing?

i am pissed and i am tired. and now im using this currently maligned computer of mine. fcuk.

i haven't gotten very very angry for a long while. those kind of "exploding angry" type. maybe one day i should. but it's the fasting month, and patience is a virtue.

When Will I See Your Face Again

Here I am, everyday

Since you said, you’d come again,

But it’s not fair, cos’ you’re not here,

I wait in vain, but nothing has changed

I’m a flower, soaking in the rain,

If I could wish one thing, I’d hear you call my name,

So when will I see your face again,

When will you touch my life again (ohh yeah),

When will I breathe you in again

I think I love you …will I see your face again,

Little thing, like the rain coming,

She looked at me a certain kind of way,

Tell me girl, where are you now,

‘Cos I don’t know how much longer I can wait,

I’m a dreamer, waiting for the sun,

When you’re coming in, I know my life’s begun,

Tell me girl…

When will I see your face again (ohh yeaaah),

When will you touch my life again (ummm um),

When will I breathe you in again,

I think I love you ...will I see your face again,

You know that all my life

I’ve been waiting,

Waiting for some, someone like you to love me,

You can’t come by like an angel, into my life,

And then fly away, fly away,

Oh honey, cos I, Uh baby, ba ba doo yeah, oh ooh,

Sing, I’ve only seen youuu, oh, I said, uh huh, I said I said, yeah (woo)

When will I see your face again (I wanna see you once in my life),

When will you touch my life again, (wanna see you twice in my life),

When Will I Breathe You In Again (ohhh),

I think I love you ...will I see your face again,

I said, see bap pa da doo ba ba

Bap ba do yeach, that’s what we do yeaahhh

When will I see your face again my friend,

Oh yeah, I think you gotta let me know yeah,

Oh yeah

saturday

2007-09-16T15:42:00.000+08:00

had dinner with the gang just now. I almost couldn't go totally cos i was feeling damn shagged this few days. after training on thursday, my body sort of just shut down? very tired and weak, and i know it's not due to fasting. during captain's ball on thursday, kept falling down from the chair. even marlon asked if i was ok.

back to just now, didn't go to sentosa with them but met them after that to have dinner. even though some things didn't turn out as planned ( hintsakurahint ), it was nobody's fault, and in the end, we even had a nice dinner. everyone's tummies were full.

tonight's dinner was also the last time i'm going to see ben for awhile before he enlists. it makes me quite sad cos he was my companion and brother when all my other brothers went away. me and him got closer. i can still remember the times when me him xt sya n ts were dancing to "girly-man", watching movies and having supper together. haiz.

to DOGGY MATT, be careful my brother!

and after him, i'll be enlisting next. then it'll just be xt sya and ts. and lastly, xt and sya. haiz. times change, people change.

and today, SHF member Powerboy also is enlisting at 130pm. Good luck mate! All the best and do us proud my fellow superhero! (:

september

2007-09-14T06:16:00.000+08:00

Gosh, i haven't blogged in over a month.

Ok, round up of important things that occured recently and also in the month of August.

1. Tatsiong's Bday. For pictures, go to Jasmine's and Xuetinz blog. They're both great with adobe photoshop.

2. Xuetinz and her new job. Haha congrats!

3. Took part in the Army Half Marathon.

4. My brothers and Nakamas POP-ing. Congrats man! For more pictures do go to Angela and Xuetinz blog. They both like to take alot of pictures. LOL

5. Went out with Kelly and Angela for the first time! (: Hee. For more pics, do go to Angela and Kelly's blog.

6. First day of fasting. Which is TODAY! Haha!

I haven't been diligently blogging as my computer has been sabotaged by my younger siblings. Install this install that. In the end the computer cannot take it and commits suicide. Now, after much repair, i'm left with a computer that is mute (I can't hear music) and can't upload pics (It's blind) ,and does not speak the same language as my thumbdrive or handphone (its a duck while my HP and thumbdrive are chickens)

It seems just like yesterday that my brothers all went in for their BMT, and now they're officially POP-ed. Im very very happy for them (:

And yesterday i got to know my two little sisters better, especially Kelly. Lol. Cos she's the harder one to get among the 2. Thanks for sharing! Hugs! (:

Ok, going to meet the guys for a kickabout later before training. I can't wait. It'll be nice to see alot of familiar faces around again. But yes, i'll still be fasting. Haha. No worries!

26

survey says it all

2007-09-14T05:47:00.000+08:00

Survey

1. (The person who tagged you is...)
Marlon..

2. (Your relationship with him/her is...)
My brother from another mother. LOL..

3. (5 impressions you have of him/her.)
-Awesome person
-If you want someone to guard your 6 o'clock, he'd be it
-Goes out all the way for a friend
-Good in basketball, but still say he damn lan.
-Bloody good eater

4. (The most memorable thing he/she has done for you.)
Gosh there's quite alot, but i think the most memorable is when we both helped each other when we were in the same "boat" a year back..

5. (The most memorable words he/she has said to you.)
Stoic brother, stoic..

6. (If he/she becomes your lover, you will...)
Er, im not gay..

7. (If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be...)
To be a girl in the first place..

8.(If he/she becomes your enemy, you will...)
Over my dead body in regards to this question..

9. (If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be...)
It ain't going to happen..

10. (The most desirable thing you want to do for him/her now is...)
Cure him of his post-BMT syndrome; "Horny-when-he-see-girls-itis"..

11. (Your overall impression of him/her is...)
I trust him with my life..

12. (How you think people around you will feel about you.)
Touch me, then you'll know how i feel..

13. (The characteristic you love about yourself is...)
Being the joker who seems to take nothing seriously..

14. (On the contrary, the characteristic you hate about yourself is...)
Slinking into the background at times when there are alot of people..

15. (The most ideal person you want to be is...)
Me?..

16. (For people that care and like you, say something to them...)
I don't have to say anything, they know (:

17. (Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you - TRY NOT TO PEEP AT THE QUESTION BELOW BEFORE WRITING DOWN THE NAMES.)

1.Xueting
2.Angela
3.Marlon (bloody hell do one more time. LOL)
4.Kelly
5.Cindy
6.Edmund
7.Jasmine
8.Syaza
9.Lawrence
10.Siti

(Who is no. 6 having a relationship with?)
His laptop, Koda Kumi, Keri Hilson..

(Is no. 9 a male or female?)
Definitely male..

(If no. 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?)
Er, they're both female..

(How about no. 8 and 5 )
Same thing. Both are female..

(What is no. 2 studying about?)
Food Technology. But funnily enough, you'd think that by studying alot of food stuff, you'd get fatter. But no..

(When was the last time you had a chat with no. 3?)
Eh, just a few minutes ago. He was tempting me to curse and break my fast. Bugger..

(What kind of music band does no. 8 like?)
Eh, last time i heard her listening to Daughtry. Haha..

(Does no. 1 have any siblings?)
A big sis, and a small bro..

(Will you woo no. 3?)
Hell no.. He's not pretty enough..

(How about no. 7?)
Haha no. She gives me good food tips..

(Is no. 4 single?)
Haha a definite and resounding no..

(What's the surname of no. 5)
GOH! (:

(What's the name of no. 10)
Siti Nurain Bte Misman..

(What's the hobby of no. 4?)
Eh, making strawberry slices? Haha. Spending time with her loved ones, especially poo poo..

(Do no. 5 and 9 get along well?)
Of course. They were once Sex Partners..

(Where is no. 2 studying at?)
Singapore Polytechnic..

(Say something casual about no. 1)
She's awesome! and she's probably flying by now. LOL..

(Have you tried developing feelings for no. 8?)
Haha no..

(Where does no. 9 live?)
Kelly told me this yesterday. Pasir Ris!

(What color does no. 4?)
Oh no. If i get this wrong she's going to kill me. Er, pink? Hehe..

(Are no. 5 and 1 best friends?)
Eh, they don't really know each other that well yet. Haha..

(Does no. 7 like no. 2 ?)
Friend friend like got la..

(How did you get to know no. 2?)
Through marlon xueting and jing bin..

(Does no. 1 have any pets?)
Haha no. But if she were to have pets, it'd probably be a dog. She hates cats..

(Is no. 7 the sexiest person in the world?)
If it gets me a free muffin i'd say anything. Wahaha!

burnt out

2007-08-13T00:45:00.000+08:00

i need a break from life.
it's caught me in a downward spiral.
seriously in need of a breather.

i know that everyone has their own path to walk.
but recently i seem to be getting lost.

grant me some guidance or direction. or give me a gentle nudge in the right direction?

that's all i ask for now.

i hope tomorrow i'll find some escape.

monday

2007-08-07T14:45:00.000+08:00

Firstly,

i changed my blog song to "Class 'A' Love Affair" by the Great Spy Experiment. If im not wrong, they were the winners for a contest held by Power98 a year or two back. Haha! Support Singapore music people! Electrico! Corrine May! Taufik Batisah!

since we're in the topic of music, i have to say sorry to Amy Winehouse. I once said to someone that her songs and style kinda sucked, but i take it all back gladly. After hearing some of her tunes, it kinda reminded me of those chilled jazzy lounge feeling. Where you'd sit in a dark area of a lounge, sipping your drink and resting on cush sofas with your friends.

plus im also now addicted to the song on jas's blog. By jay chou. I think the title is 'bu neng shuo de mi mi'. i wonder what the song means, though i love the tune, and the piano. haha.

and syaza, you're linked. Haha. Honestly, those egg tarts look delicious. Bummer that i couldn't get to taste them.

Went for a run today as i thought my leg felt abit better. Was wrong. It still was kind of uncomfortable and irritating. Total ran 6 clicks today in about, 40 plus minutes? Shameful. Bloody effing injury. Hope it recovers in time for the marathons.

speaking of marathons, i think for the standard chartered marathon 07, i wanna take the 21 click run. i wanna take 42, but since the marathon is smack dab in the middle of my NS stint, i really don't feel like taking the risk of overexertion or what-not.

overall, quite a slow and dull monday.
can't wait for training tomorrow. Am already thinking of where to eat for dinner. Lol

weekend

2007-08-06T12:55:00.000+08:00

Sunday

Met Ben and Weiyou at Jurong MRT in the morning to have a kickabout in school. Marlon joined in later. Danny joined us at the futsal court. Haha. In a way, it sort of quenched me and bens' thirst for soccer, as since the guys went in, me and ben hadn't really kicked a soccer ball, and everytime there was some soccer-themed thing going on, me and him would like, lap it up.

The kickabout was ok, but in the end we spent most of our time talking around and catching up. Weiyou was telling us about his stint at Hendon, and Marlon was telling about when he went for FIBUA (Fighting In Built Up Areas) training, and took out his earplugs at the same time his sergeant lobbed a stun grenade. Lol.

I wonder what sort of tales i'll be telling when i go in? Hmm.

10pm!

Ugly Betty last episode for season 1! I gotta go watch it!

After 10pm!

Every soccer mad person can't wait for this match to start! The precursor to the new EPL season!

English FA Community Shield! Manchester United vs Chelsea. Even though blue is my favourite colour, i'll be rooting for the Red Devils. (Author's Note; i am a Newcastle Fan)

Hopefully, there'll be some good attractive attacking football played tonight. With names such as Nani, Ronaldo, Malouda, Drogba and a whole other slew of players, i really do hope they don't drag it into extra time and penalties.

*5minutes to Daniel Meade and Co.

friday

2007-08-04T00:27:00.000+08:00

Went jogging yesterday with xt, ben, tatsiong, and our newest addition to the gang, syaza. Was very slow because of an unfortunate incident which involved me, the toilet, and alot of bubble bath that happened in the morning. Was grumpy the whole day (well, you would be grumpy too if you had to limp all day)

Met xt 1st in the evening for training. Had pizza! Long time never had the sensation of melting pizza. Its Good!

Congrats xt, you're finally free! Haha!

Syaza joined us, followed by tatsiong, and ben the doggy matt. LOL. Training was ok. Was abit upset at myself cos i couldnt even keep pace with the rest when they were already slow. Uphills were a right pain in the ass. Hope it heals soon.

After training, had dinner at KFC clementi, where we ordered duck rice and char siew rice. Lol! And for the record, i am not an aunty killer!

today

Nothing much happened. Went to IMM awhile to buy myself some tidbits and snacks. And bought myself those halal chicken floss buns. Stayed at home, played with my sister, taught my brother.

Chatted with Yi wei and Kelly today!

God i miss both of them. Yi wei would always "nice try buddy" me when i say all those lame stuff, and give me a pat on the back. Haha. Im glad he's ok and still the yi wei i know (: It's a bummer that i can't see him tomorrow cos i have to go to my grandparents' house, but we'll see each other during tatsiong's birthday

See you later brother!

Kelly, gosh i haven't spoken or seen her for a very very long time. Missed her alot. Haha, so when i saw her on MSN, chatted with her a while.

Kelly sis, good luck with the exams yeah? I know you're scared and all that, but i know you can do it. Haha. If someone like me can graduate, you won't have a problem. Haha.

Jia you Jia you! (:

And after the exams, me you and angela will go out and have fun and whatnot. But for now, endure!!

Haha. Wow, wei you just came online. Gotta go chat with him.

Goodnight!

last week

2007-08-01T16:25:00.000+08:00

A round up of events that happened last week. Im going to be lazy abit. Hehe.

Monday, Wednesday and Friday
Hmm, nothing much happened. Or maybe i can't remember. Cos no money, so i'd rather stay at home.

Tuesday and Thursday
Went jogging, cos thats the only hobby that doesnt eat up money. Lol. Those who went were me, xt, ben and ts. Fun and laughter filled the air, other than the stench of sweat. Tuesday training i think had some hokkien songs playing from SPGG, so whenever me and ben tried to do pull ups, we ended up laughing.

Thursday dinner went to Bukit Batok, and ended up laughing due to every single action. Girly Man's fault!! Woot im coming!! (:

Saturday
Met xt early to roam around Marina Square to window shop. Saw some nice threads at Topshop, but due to my limited budget, i could only take pictures of the clothes i want, and not bring them home. Haiz.

After walking around and eating mars bars, went to city hall to meet ben, salleh botak, marlon botak, satyish botak, tatsiong, syaza, oth botak, qin zhen botak.

Together we went opp Fullerton hotel to catch the fireworks. It seemed closer and more awesome than the last time. Wish the fireworks didn't stop. It seemed bigger than the moon. Haha.

Went to have dinner at lau pa sat, where jas, aaron botak and shuting joined us.

After that, headed home early while the rest went to the Esplanade.

Nice top. Too bad my wallet can't handle.

Miss em!

Sunday
Stayed at home, and watched High School Musical! OMG the pianist is so damn cute de lo. The actress in question is named, "Olesya Rulin". I actually thought that the show was something my little sister would like, so in the end i have to take back my words. Haha. The songs were really quite nice. I especially liked:

"Start of something new"

"We're breaking free"

"We're all in this together"

Monday
Met up with xt after her work to go to safra yishun to settle the army half marathon thingy. Why there is no safra in boon lay, jurong or bukit batok i just don't get it.

During the course of the whole trip, we embarassed ourselves, dancing and singing til other people looked at us lo. Xt, i may have embarassed you, but got some times you join in. Don't deny! (:

Poly50 friends' gathering

2007-07-25T06:56:00.000+08:00

Went for small Poly50 cum Angela's Bday Celebration outing on Saturday. However, Angela couldn't make it due to her injury sustained from her sports fiesta captain's ball match.

Angela! Get well soon so that you can join us in other outings!

Eat more la! Bamboo of course easy to get injured one lo. Hehehe (:

Met xt and kas at orchard first.

Met Ts at Heeren and off we went to Cine.

Danger danger! Kaserine and Xuetinz make for lethal gossip buddies aka Aunties!

I respect this guy! Great Leader. And some of the best Air-con i can meet (: Ah ma. Ah Dui.

Poly50 brought us together. And together we shall stay!

After that Kas had to leave early, so me, ts and xt headed off to City Hall, hopefully catching the NDP preview! (:

Me and Xuetinz. She loves fireworks. Lol. Go to her blog! The fireworks were awesome. Magical. I felt like a small kid wanting to touch and grab them. Though impossible la. Haha!

Me and Mr ' Father Mother Son '

At the NDP, we met Nasir and Jing En. I haven't seen Nasir in a long while. Move Back Sir! Haha! Jaga diri baik baik oi (: Jangan main tembak sini sana je tau? Lol. Jing En was holding on the the US hardcover edition of the Deathly Hallows. o_O

Then off the 3 of us went to Airport to drink coffee, eat and chill. I miss the airport! I love the airport! Especially the big Arrival time information board thing. Lol.

Took the last train back home. And once again i wish that time would move slower, or never move at all. Haha. Time extension. Infinity Time!

Me and Xuetinz. Not just friends, but great buddies for life (: Amazingly impossible she is!

poly 50 pics

2007-07-25T06:19:00.000+08:00

Ben. Salleh. Me. Marlon. Yi Wei.

Team 1 'Earthquake'. Eventual Poly50 Alumni Champions.
Peikun, Jun hao, Ben, Oth, Tat Siong, Marlon, Yi Wei, Kas, Yen Wei, Xuetinz

Team 2 'Tsunami'. No.6 in Alumni Standings.
Iz, Song li, Wei You, Salleh, Me, Ed, Aaron, Syaza, Calida, Jasmine

With the Earthquake comes the Tsunami. 'EarthNami' (:

Visible: Me and Xuetinz. Before. Hidden: "Father Mother Son" Tatsiong.

Glory Glory Poly50. Where the hell is Ben the doggy mat? Lol. Oops.

CLS All The Way! Join CLS; your Poly50 victory is guaranteed. Hehe.

On the way to our Celebratory Dinner. Yi Wei, Calida, Xuetinz, Me, Kas

Me and Xuetinz. After. No "Father Mother Son" in the picture. Lol.

God i still have some more pics stuck in my hp. Me and Kelly, me and CinD, and hell lots more. But that's all folks!

7 days from 11

2007-07-19T14:44:00.000+08:00

It's been a week since Poly50.

Actually i wanted to blog pics of that event, however...

Super low!

Keep thinking of what my friends are doing in tekong?

Keep looking outside the window, wondering if they're seeing the same thing i am.

Is it just a coincidence that the weather is so depressing tonight?

I don't mind the cold. I like it. I do mind the dark and depressing weather. I hate it.

Dark and depressing weather = emo!

Fcuk!

I am F.I.N.E. = Freaked out! Insecure! Neurotic! Emo!

*went to school just now to support angie for her cball. team baluku jia u! angie hurt sprained her ankle in the process. angie, keep your feet moving, apply warm pressure on the pain spot. it will hurt, but it will hurt less in the long run. and try to not appy to much pressure on your ankle in the meantime, though i think quite impossible, with your matches the next day. be careful k?

seriously, i don't feel like going back to school without a proper reason, as it feels too unfamiliar, alien, even unwelcoming? there'll always be people i want to see at school, but school itself seems empty. avoid. i would gladly come to visit angela, kelly or any of the gls, or to go down and jog with xt, ben, kas and ts, but other than that. avoid.